New Alex Pardee T-shirt Handful on sale

New Alex Pardee shirt on at Zero Friends $28

The following story by Alex Pardee is printed on the inside of the shirt:

"I went to school with a kid named Tommy Revenge who had an abnormally large right hand. Not just abnormally large for a 12 year old. Plain old abnormally large. He couldn't wear both gloves so his Mom wrapped his huge hand in a towel when it was cold, but the extra weight made him lose balance a lot. One morning we were all playing chicken with the groundskeeper and his ride-on John Deere like we always did, but Tommy's hand must have weighed a lot that day, because he got real close, and then just collapsed to his right, and fell under the lawnmower blades. Ironically, after the lawnmower completely diced him like a carrot, his huge right hand, the last thing to enter the blades, jammed them, destroying the machine. We always said that at least his last name suited him, as Tommy got his "Revenge". Kinda."